Until we meet again

It’s been over 2 months, 1 week, 1 day and 4 hours now since December 14, 2017 when my husband Tom came in my office at work, closed the door behind him, and told me the worst news I’ve heard in my life ... Bailey had passed away. How can that possibly be? I just dropped her off at work that morning after she expressed how good she was feeling and then bounced up the steps and turned to wave at me before she went in the door. That scene - the very last time I saw her - is embedded in my memory forever like gold. It turns out that 45 minutes later she collapsed and was unable to be revived. My biggest and immediate fear when Tom delivered the news is that she was by herself and scared. That fear was relieved when Dr. Darragh was able to gather information from her pacemaker that told him her death was immediate - she likely had no idea it was happening and had no time to fear. That gave me GREAT relief. But oh the pain of missing her. Some days and moments are so heavy and dark that breathing is tiresome and no longer involuntary. I also have days and moments of what is relative pure joy when I remember her hysterical laughter, her infectious joy, and her antics when she visited her medical team. Such joyous memories and such deep gratitude never felt before for having had 25 years with such a beautiful soul that could have been taken from us when she was 3 days old. All she wanted and what we strived for was to live as normal a life as possible in the midst of facing multiple heart surgeries and ultimately possible heart transplant. She played soccer and enjoyed gymnastics as a young child, played softball, got her drivers license at 16, graduated high school with her peers, attended IU and received her degree in microbiology in 4 years, got her dream job with the research department at IU Health across the street from Riley Hospital, and married the love of her life in October 2015, after which she moved to North Carolina. She had just moved back home with their three puppies (German Shepard, black lab, and pointer) to get her dream job back, find a rental home, and get settled and ready for her husband Travis to come home from the Marines for good. She did all that even in the midst of being peppered with health ailments! What an accomplishment. I was surprised to hear from several people since her death that they didn’t even know she had medical issues. That was the way she wanted it to be. She wasn’t ashamed by any means or embarrassed of her scars. Not like that at all. In fact she quickly dismissed the photographer's efforts in her high school senior picture for efforts in “erasing” her scar. The photographer quickly put it back. Bailey just didn’t want to be defined by her defective heart. She wanted to be defined by her love that emanated from it and I think she accomplished that. If you knew her, then I’m sure you agree. Bailey touched so many lives so deeply and as a result we have been left with such deep empty spaces in our hearts. Some days are better than others and I’m sure that will continue for many years. But we also have so many countless things to be grateful for because of her. I thank everyone who ever had a moment with Bailey because you helped shape her into who she became. And my thank you’s will never adequately express my gratitude for her medical team. Dr. Darragh, you were with us from Day 2 and wow did you give us some incredible memories. Any question we ever had - whether it be medical or not - "Ask Dr. Darragh, he'll know." That became our saying. Dr. Brown, you walked us through her first 2 surgeries and shared your wealth of experience with us, willing to take on challenges that I’m sure you weren’t 100% would work ... because you told me that. In fact, you said once, "Call your family - I don't know how it will go tomorrow." And Dr. T, what can I say. Your medical expertise is awe-inspiring, the confidence you transferred to us when you walked into her room was incredibly calming, and your willingness to entertain via antics right back at her was heartwarming. And each and every nurse and various other medical staff she ever had (way too many to name) will forever hold a place in our hearts. I just thank you all for helping raise her to become her beautiful self. And Travis, I can’t thank you enough for taking such good care of her the short time you had her. You truly were the love of her life. I love you buddy. Rest easy dear girl until we meet again. I know God is taking care of you now and you live in our hearts and memories until the one fine day we get to hug you again. I miss you sweet one. Mom